Thursday, May 7, 2009

Daily Reflection

As I begin to think about my day, I just finished my swaps for Friday night. We are doing Father's Day or Wedding. I'll be posting those next week. I checked out the Daily Devotion at the Lutheran Church website. It was about parenting, being single I wasn't going to find anything there to get me started. I also thought about other people and their parenting, then I remembered my Results Oriented communication lesson & backed away from that one!

That brings me back to my Dad. He died 19 days before my Mom died. My parents split when I was about 19. I was away from home and going to college. When he left my Mom, he moved in with someone else and moved to Salt Lake City and he eventually married her. I later learned there were many other affairs in his past.

It was a Friday, after school I went home to clean up my apartment, then headed home to Mom's. I walked in the door to find her on the phone talking to my Aunt Judy, my Dad's youngest sister, and crying. I don't know if she knew I was there or not, but within a minute or two, I heard the reason why she was upset.

There have been 2 very traumatic times in my life, that was the first. I left the house, got in my car & went for a drive. I was literally shaking all over, and crying. A few days, or weeks, later I spoke to my Dad on the phone. I used every 4 letter word I knew. When I was done, he told me "I can forgive, but I won't forget."

Then, and for a long time afterwards, I believed that had I reconnected with him, that would signal that what he had done was okay by me. So, for almost 30 years I made it clear to all I wanted no contact with my Dad & I didn't want to hear his name.

Then my Grandmother moved in with him as she was unable to stay by herself or with my Aunt Jo. Since I wanted to keep in touch with her, that meant I would have to go thru my Dad or Dee. Which I did. But only to say this is Deloris, can I speak with Grandma? Because of her hearing loss, she could hear better via the speakerphone than the handset. That made me mad, because everyone in the house was listening and I still wanted to punish.

It was only 5 or 6 years ago that I was watching a Dr. Phil show, when he was working with someone in a similar situation and he expressed how childish it was, & inconsiderate, to not acknowledge the person who answered the phone.

My next adult decision (huh?) was to go with the thought that I can do this if I fake it. Sad, but true. About 1-1/2 weeks before my Dad died, came my first crack at it. We talked for a few minutes, then I asked to speak to Grandma. At his memorial, I thanked God for those few minutes. As Father's Day approaches, I say thank you again.

More than that, I am blessed to have my Grandmother still here today. On the day of my Dad's memorial, Grandma was taken to the ER & treated for Congestive Heart Failure. I learned of this at the memorial, and the news was almost unbearable. When Mom passed away just days later, it was Grandma I found strength & love in.